Today I want to think about the role of a Christian wife in a Christian marriage, as outlined in scripture. There are many different references to wives in the bible and it would be impossible for me to use them all, so I have chosen I few which I think will be of benefit to us in the study.

Proverbs 19 v 14 reads ‘..a prudent wife is from the Lord’. In the dictionary, ‘prudent’ has a few definitions:-

• Wise in handling practical matters; exercising good judgment or common sense.
• Careful in regard to one’s own interests; provident.
• Careful about one’s conduct; circumspect.
• wise or judicious in practical affairs; sagacious; discreet or circumspect; sober.

As wives, we want to meet the standard which God has set for us.  Being ‘prudent’ may not be the way we behave naturally, because of the hold the old nature has on us.  However, we are instructed in many different parts of scripture that we should be prudent and serving in how we behave, particularly towards our husbands.  This may mean that we need the Lord to help us become that type of person.  It is very easy in the sin-cursed world that we live to become selfish and caught up in what the world would have you do as a wife.  Being prudent means that we don’t have a nagging attitude towards our husbands, but a respectful and calm relationship where problems can be discussed rather than argued about.  It means thinking about the best interests of you both as a couple rather than of you as an individual.  For example, if you fill your week nights with lots of social activities, most of which don’t involve your husband, are you going to be able to find time to spend together in prayer or study or just having fellowship and talking?  Good communication and a frequent prayer life is the key to a healthy marriage, and it requires both people to make time to spend together.

The world will tell us that this is sexist and that we should be living our lives to please ourselves, not our husbands, and we are being old-fashioned by using the bible as guidance on how to live our lives.  But as a Christian, we must have a desire for serving other people, not just ourselves.  As friends, neighbours, employees, and spouses, we  have a duty to care for others and copy the example of Jesus in serving others.

One of the most well known verses about wives and their relationship with their husbands, is found in Ephesians 5 v 22 ‘Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.’ The topic of submission is sometimes treated with distaste and resentment, even amongst Christians. I believe this is partly due to the way in which the world influences our thinking about how marriages and relationships in general should function.

The sinful and fleshly nature which we all are cursed with, always makes us think about relationships in terms of what we can get out of them for our own good.  In terms of marriage this may be using your husband to have children or having someone to look after you financially or just filling a void in your life because your lonely.  A marriage should be based on what we can give each other, because we love each other and the Lord.  It should not be motivated by the thought of what we can achieve for ourselves. We are exhorted in many parts of scripture to serve one another, and follow the example of the way Jesus lived when he was here on earth. He was humble and served others, he did not look to have friendships with people so he could exploit or use them.  In this way, husbands should not seek to use their wives based on the idea of ‘submission’.  Submission is a godly act of yielding to the decision of your husband on spiritual matter on which you cannot agree.  It is not a ticket for stamping authority over every area in your wife’s life.

We need to read on in Ephesians ch 5 to see the full picture of how a marriage should be. Verse 25 reads, ‘Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.’ This type of love that husbands are to give their wives, is based on the most perfect and wonderful standard of love that has ever been shown throughout all of history – that of Christ for the church. If we think about it, Christ’s love was humble, serving, caring, sacrificial, protective, and made provision for the church to have a way of salvation. How many men can say that they honestly love their wife in this way?   Or are even trying their best to reach this standard?

If a man is fulfilling the God given duty of loving his wife in the way that he should, it seems logical that he will have a very healthy and happy marriage. If a wife is living her life well before the Lord and fulfilling her role as a Christian, then submission wont be seen as something she has to do as a rule or restriction on her freedom, but it will be seen as a way of managing the spiritual matters in their marriage. As I have said previously, having spiritual headship and responsibility in the home is not something to be taken lightly or as a perk of being a man.

The Song of Solomon is a scarcely preached book of the bible, and many Christians may not be familiar with the instruction that can be found there.  It is a love story and although it can also be used metaphorically as a relationship between Christ and the church, it has a lot of practical lessons that can be learned, especially for married couples who want to improve their marriage and follow God’s teaching in this area of their lives.  I feel that for me to try and explain many of the lessons found in this book, would not do it justice, but I encourage you to read it and maybe use a commentary as well, so you can gain some depth in the study.  I have learned a lot from the Song of Solomon.

Equality is a popular buzz word in the society in which we live.  I am all for equality and have no fear of being vocal when I see sinful discrimination taking place.  However,  men and women have been created differently for a purpose, and in terms of marriage, God has instituted the structure of Christ, then husband, then wife.  This is a spiritual hierarchy and as Christians we must practice it and accept it as God’s law.  I believe and am an example of how living in accordance with this teaching can lead to a happy and blessed marriage.  Although we have so much to learn, and no doubt will continue to learn through making mistakes, there is a calming peacefulness that comes with knowing God is leading and guiding a marriage that is trying to live by Godly principles.  I encourage you to leave a comment if you have any thoughts on this topic or any experience or wisdom you would like to share with others.

This post marks the first in a series I would like to begin about the role God has called women to do, in both church and home life. There are so many different opinions and interpretations of scripture concerning women that I am bound to have readers who will disagree with my view on certain issues. I encourage you to comment on any aspect of what we are discussing, if you feel led to do so.

If we start at the beginning (which seems sensible), the book of Genesis outlines the way God intended the family unit to be structured. A heterosexual marriage, with children. Today we have all sorts of variations on this, but we know that this is the result of sin coming into the world through the fall of Adam. So when God created Eve, the first woman, he did so by using one of Adams ribs. I think we have symbolism in this, because after all, God could have just made Eve exist without using a rib and the fact that it is recorded in scripture means that God wanted us to know about it, because everything in the bible is there for us to learn from.

So this rib came from Adam’s side. Not a hair from his head or bone from his foot, but from his side. Not superior to him and not inferior to him, but created uniquely to be side by side and eventually joined together to make one whole – Genesis 2 v 24 ‘a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh’. I don’t believe that this verse is only talking about about the physical marriage, but also the spiritual and practical aspects of everyday life. Men and women are different for a reason, God intended them to need one another to make a whole.

Later on I want to discuss the teachings of submission and spiritual headship which God has outlined as the way families are to function. I hope that by the end of these blog posts, I will be able to show why I believe many people look at this topic of submission and authority from the wrong standpoint. It is not a patriarchal system of oppressing women, nor is it an old-fashioned way of living that we should dismiss. I want to stress that I believe the whole of God’s word has relevance to us today. We cannot pick and chose certain parts to follow and we must never despise or reject certain teachings because they do not fit in with our ideas of how we want to live our lives.

Anyone who knows me, will confirm that I am the first person to speak up against genuine cases of discrimination and sexism against women, and I hope to be able to show from God’s word how women are not described in scripture as inferior, but rather exhorted and created as unique people who have DIFFERENT roles to men. There is no discrimination in the bible. Discrimination is a result of sin and we should not use the language or ideas of the world to attack the relevance of scripture in our lives today.

I’ve been thinking about how the way the church evangelises, has changed so much in the past 150 years.  If we think back to the 1859 revival, this happened through the preaching of the word, so it was quite easy to visibly see God at work when people were getting saved in public gatherings.  Today we have been blessed with amazing forms of technology and although alot of it is used by the devil for evil purposes, it has had a role to play in evangelism.

There are thousands of evangelical services broadcast live over the internet every week, and we have no real way of knowing how the messages are effecting people unless they email the church, which very rarely happens.  Countless radio and TV stations broadcast the gospel on a daily basis.  Many churches give out recordings of their services on CD or DVD, with many Christians distributing these amongst their friends and family who would not otherwise come under the sound of the gospel.

It is very hard to tell how these means of evangelism are effecting people all over the world.  The Lord could very well be using it to revive people on a global scale.  I think we should remember to pray fervently for the work of media teams in our churches who do this very good work. It is very often overlooked when we think about the different types of work in the church, but really they are quite literally fulfilling the command to ‘Go into all the world and preach the gospel’.  They present the word that the preacher is speaking to people who may not otherwise hear it.

Discipline is one of those things you know is good for you, but very often you cringe at the thought of it.  Whether inflicted by others or ourselves, its always hard work.  Today I want to think about discipline from a Christian perspective, although many of my thoughts could be applied to secular life.  I was reading this verse in Hebrews ch 12 v 11 “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous; nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”

As Christians we know that sometimes the Lord ‘chastens’ or disciplines us, but very often we overlook our need to discipline ourselves in everyday life.  As the verse in Hebrews explains, it is not always a happy occasion when we have to scrutinise our own lives and cut certain things out, or introduce new habits, but there will be eternal fruit for our efforts. I know that sometimes I can be quick to expect amazing things from the Lord and claim promises from scripture, but  afterward I am reminded of my need to fashion my life in such a way as to allow the Holy Spirit to work in the way that God desires.  It seems unreasonable even in everyday life to expect certain things to happen when we don’t prepare and make ourselves ready.  If we wanted to run a marathon, we would have to train our bodies to be capable of this, which would take time and effort, ultimately self-discipline.  I believe this is true for the Christian in the many spiritual marathons we run during the course of our lives.

If we want to see God bless us financially, then we need to exercise self-discipline in our spending.  If we want to be blessed in our Sunday services, then we should be praying for the minister all week and attending prayer meetings in the church.  If we want unsaved people to come into the gospel meetings, we should be inviting them to come, either by personal invitation or joining the outreach team.  If we want our children to be saved, we need to set time aside to witness to them and have family worship.  These are examples of things which require discipline, if we want to achieve a good end result.

I am taking Hebrews 12 v 11 as a promise that the things which require discipline, especially in our spiritual lives will yield the good fruit, glorify God and benefit us long-term.  I had read this verse so many times before but had never really thought about what it meant.  Hopefully it will be of some benefit to you.

Recently I had felt the Lord speak to me concerning the use of my time, especially during the day, as I am on maternity leave.  I had been reading a book on how to reach your full potential for God and recently I heard my minister talk about how as each minute passes, we should think about what we have done for God in that minute.  When I thought about it, I was almost ashamed to admit that I revolved alot of my day based on what time certain TV programmes were on.

The more I thought about it, the Lord brought to my attention some uncomfortable truths about my TV viewing.  First of all, I spent more time watching TV than I did reading and studying God’s word.  Secondly, most of what I was watching was of no profit to my mind, heart or soul.  Thirdly,  I realised that most of the programmes I watched on TV were filled with content I wouldn’t want my daughter to see or hear.  So it made me question whether I should be watching them either.

So, I thought that abstaining from TV for one week would be good for me in a multitude of ways.  As it turned out, I really enjoyed using the extra time everyday for activities which I would normally have avoided.  It forced me to get into a good exercise routine, which I had let fall to the wayside recently.  I planned a route for an energetic walk and done it every other day, to try and get my body used to exercising again.  To make the walking more enjoyable, my husband recommended a set of sermons that I could listen to, based on the Song of Solomon, the teaching was based on building Christian marriages and families in accordance with scripture.  Although being a little more liberal than the preaching style I am used to, I found them very encouraging and a very good distraction from the long walk!

I found that although I had quite alot of time to fill, when I would previously have been watching TV, I was never bored, but felt more organised.  Dinners were cooked on time, I baked on a few of the days, the house has never been tidier, and I enjoyed having visitors on couple of the days.  I also done alot more reading and felt very blessed by what I read.  I still enjoy watching certain TV programmes but I have been reminded that it shouldn’t be an important part of my life.  I now have some  structured thoughts and questions to keep in mind, in order to make sure I don’t fall back into bad habits again.  These include

• No TV on a Sunday, no exceptions.
• No eating meals in front of the TV.
• If a programme is unsuitable for children, is it really profitable for me to watch?
• Do I spend more time watching TV than Studying God’s word?
• Would I feel I was missing out on something if I couldn’t watch TV?  The answer should be NO.

Colossians ch 2 v 6&7 say “As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him:  Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving”.  It is difficult for us to be built up in faith if our minds are continually being filled with content from the TV screen.  I hope in sharing my experience it will encourage other Christians to think about aspects of their lives which perhaps are becoming more important than their walk with God.